Reflection Eternal - Nujabes
I’m sitting here listening to one of my favorite Nujabes track while in voluntary solitary confinement, reflecting on the redefining of my character. I look back to my past at the things I’ve written, the things I’ve created, the relations I’ve started, ended, destroyed, or altered and I can’t help but realize that so much has changed. In the slightest span of time, I have traveled from then to now, creating and building upon the craziest life story you may ever hear; yet you’ll never hear. I’ve become an exclusive mind, shutting out all prospects of trust and preventing myself from ever falling into the depths of the egotistical tendencies of the common. I’ve hid my heart, slashing the thought of vulnerability and I’ve eliminated the idea that all things are good, as well as the concept that all people should be trusted until otherwise proven. I’ve become self-reliant, to the point of no return. Independency is the definition of my entirety and it is impossible for me to think that there is any other option. I have grown to be passionate about everything I love, hate, and distaste, which ultimately has strengthened my moral and mental character.
As I reflect on who I was then, and who I have become now, I’ve come to my greatest revelation of the past few months: I really haven’t changed all that much. And yes, my physical dimension, my daily habits, the superficial aspects of my life have all changed, but what has never is my mentality. Mentally, I’ve only built upon the concrete blocks of my childhood and have never abandoned them. I am me and I refuse to alter my mind state for anything. I was reading the old stuff I’ve written years ago and every concept, every passionate argument, every simple thought I recorded contain the exact same concepts, arguments, and thoughts I continue to live by everyday. I’m still in love with the mental aspect of life, I still approach life in the same critical, skeptical manner, and I continue to see the negative before the positive. I live life cautiously, yet still surrender under the power of trust and love. I am stubborn and will follow my head with all my might. I care not what others say and am critical of their behaviors because I do believe actions are the voice of their subconscious beliefs, attitudes, and desires. I do the things I do because I honestly don’t know what to say at times, even if I do seem to never run out of words.
Anyways, I’m digressing in this stream of consciousness. Point is, I’m proud to look back on my life and see that my mental stature is consistent. Too many of those around me have lost themselves completely to the atrocities of life.
Check yourself, reflect on your past. Are you still the same you or have you let life lose you? If yes, what a shame.
